Or maybe you do see. Maybe you see every ounce of agony reflected in my dark brown eyes. Maybe you do see the constant tears, or the occasional sigh. Maybe you do see how much pain im in, or the non-stop struggel to get through the day.
Why cant you feel? Why cant you feel the sharp shards of my heart piercing my chest. Why cant you feel the tears as they roll down my cheek? Why cant you feel my sadness?
They say that love is your family. Thats what I have been told growing up my whole life. And for a while I believed that.
I grew up in a place where I was constantly surrounded by my family. Wheter it was being with my mom, or dad(s), my brother or sister, or my nana or cousins, I had someone there to lean on.
As I continued to grow I thought I was the luckiest girl on earth. I had a wonderful family, and amazing friends. But around the time of the 7th grade is when my perfect little world began to crumble beneath my feet.
It all started with my brother, well step-brother. It started with a few "no"s, and ignoring what he was being told. Then it went to his grades, and behavior. He started to get jerky towards me, and I could feel us drifting apart.
Along with that came arguements, between my parents I mean. But that was easily tuned out by both me and my siblings.
Then one night something happened, and im not sure what. But I remember yelling, and hearing rape. I remember police coming to get my brother during school to talk in the office. I was young, I couldnt comprend what was happening. Only later that day did I come to realize that my brother was being charged with raping my cousin.
Of course this was no where near the truth. But thats not how my cousins mom saw it. He was charged not guilty, or so I presume, but that mark would always be there.
Nothing was the same after that. We cut off comunication with my moms side of the family for years.
Eventually we came in contact but it was never the same.
Flashing forward to high school, sophmore year specially, was when I felt like I had everything then it was all taken away again.
You see, my brother got very serious with some girl and began to do stupid things, for what he believed to be love ( I myself was also convinced I was in love but thats a story for a different entry).
To make an extremely long story short, by the begining of jounor year my sister, my mom, and I had moved to an apartment. My brother stayed with my step dad but eventually moved out to live with my nana. (if you like to know how this all came to be, leave.me a comment saying u wanna know more, and ill tell you the whole story).
Now its almost christmas, and my family is split apart. To make it worse my family minus my brother are going to disneyland. Great, now our first christmas and vacation without him. Its so hard for me to deal with, I can hardly take it. My parents are talking divorce after the holidays, like it is supposed to be better for us or something. Well its not, if anything it hurts me more.
If only they care how I feel about all of this. If only.....
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